what 2013 had taught me.

2013 ;

where trust was broken, promises was a lie, belief was being betrayed.

friends back-stab, untrue rumors was spread.

being hurt over and over again.

yet

i found out who was my real friends, because good friends are the ones who wouldn't let you go through the hard times alone..

this indescribable year where i been through hardship and good times made me noticed and realise a lot of things.

-

what i had learnt during this past 12 months ;

i'm grateful for those who have stayed by my side during my hardest moments and listen to all my bullshit talks and complains. 

i'm thankful for those who have left me, letting me realise you was just pretending that you had cared for me.

i'm appreciative for the pair of ears i have, because i realise, everywhere at any time, everyone was spreading un-true rumors about me, judging me, back stabbing me when they had the chance.

lastly, my love ones who had tried to cheer me up when i was upset and not making fun of me when i cried like an ugly duckling.

- 

i can't put it into words but i feel that the life i had to go through for 2013 was a messy and beautiful one.

There was really a lot of dramas going on, that i got lost on the way..
it also where i had to learn to pick myself up and continue in life. " Life still goes on. "

i also believe the following year, there will be more drama coming into my life, it may becomes a lesson or right decisions i will have to make.

I shall let my future self decides when the day comes.

-

just thinking about it..i felt stupid for trusting and believing in some of the people who i thought i could trust..i guess it was just me believing like an idiot..

Reminding my past now, is tearing me and making me really emotional now.
I'm okay it's all in the past now...i won't cry over spilled milk.

...

They always said " You've changed. " maybe i did changed..long ago before i knew..

well, here is the truth, 
i stopped letting people push me all around or walked me over and over again, i no longer want to get used because i know how painful it feels like. I learnt that i can't be happy all the time. I also learnt that i have to accept and face the reality.

there was this time where, i became to a point where i could no longer trust anyone, what was on my mind was " you have some motive when you approach me. "

i even started distancing myself from my closest friends..i thought " nobody could understand what i was going through now. " even if i was to tell them, the replies i get is always " cheer up, everything is going to be alright. " 

there was no actions to tell me " everything is going to be okay. "..

all i heard was just  half - hearted words, i needed actions not words..

what was really on my mind was ;

i don't trust words, i regretted telling each and one of  you, one of my deepest secret where i took up a huge sum of courage..

the lies coming out from their mouth.. it hurts my heart so badly that i was so stupid to even thought i could trust u and tell you something i couldn't even tell one of my closest friend.

..few days later...

all types of untrue rumors begin to spread..it became worst, and at the same time with the family problem i had, i wasn't in the state of studying, i wasn't myself in school, i faked a smile every single day, i kinda don't even know anything anymore..

i hate burdening others, as usual i kept everything to myself. In the end,

I'll just end up crying more till i become cold..

i felt emotionless sometime..it's not that i don't try to express myself, it like i couldn't anymore..

i felt that " i no longer understand happiness."

i questioned myself " what is smiling ? Is this even a smile that i had truly smile from the bottom of my heart?"

" Yes, i laugh a lot, but that doesn't mean i am truly happy all the time. "

Still i will continue to smile, if it can makes someone else day ;)

I've changed for the better and for the worst. 

I'll became more positive instead of the past.

 You may say, it's one of the most " awfully worst and amazingly great " year? i'm not trying to exaggerate stuff but, i been through shit this year... i just hope that..

Basically, i am just doing a reflect on what had happened for the past months. 2013, is finally coming to an end.. It's like 12 months is going to be soon gone before i know..and when i realise... one year is going to past by like any other days..

Lastly, i just want to say " stay positive and calm at all times. "
No matter what happens in life, you have to learn to be independent and overcome it.
At times do also relay on people who can trust, don't trust the wrong one and regret for life.

ANDD ,
to the new peeps who entered my life, and stayed with me throughout the whole journey even though i am like annoying as hell, thank you for listening to my complains..
oh ! to end off, i want to say sorry to a person HAHAS, for calling in middle of the night to listen to my rubbish talks HAHAS.

i shall sign off now♥︎

Hope, next year will be a better year. Thank you last day of 2013.